Relieving Your Kids of the Burden of Divorce

Protecting Your Children From the Challenges of Divorce

With divorce rates fairly high, many children will be affected by the end of their parents’ marriage. The effects of divorce on children can last into adulthood. However, parents can help protect their children from them.

Challenges Faced by Children During Divorce

When parents divorce, children encounter several challenges that can affect their development as they grow. The challenges might be due to the relationship between the parents, the children’s ages, their living situation or even the divorce process itself. Some of the challenges faced by children during and after divorce include:

• Having to emotionally adapt to the changes in their lives
• Having to get used to new routines and rules when living in two different homes
• Struggling to maintain a strong relationship with both parents
• Feeling lost and like they belong nowhere
• Feeling abandoned by one or both parents
• Dealing with miscommunication and conflict between their parents

Protection Begins With the Divorce Process

Children should not have to bear the burden of divorce. Protecting children from the challenges of divorce can begin during the divorce process itself. Parents can speak to their divorce lawyers about options that minimize conflict and can put less stress on all involved. Some of these options include collaborative divorce, mediation and arbitration. These alternative conflict resolution methods can lead to a faster, less costly divorce that also helps parents show their children their commitment to the family and to resolving issues amicably.

Creating a Successful Parenting Plan

Another way parents can protect their children is to create a detailed parenting plan that addresses as many issues and scenarios as possible to avoid conflict during the parenting journey. Your divorce lawyer might help guide you as you design your plan. While this plan should be considered a living document that could change as the family needs evolve, some of the things that should always be addressed include:

• Parenting time
• Summer, vacation and special dates and holidays
• Educational, extracurricular activities, hobbies and interests
• Traveling
• Relationships with extended family members
• Communication methods between the parents and between each parent and the children
• Last-minute or emergency changes to schedule
• Expenses

Considering the Parenting Time Schedule

The parenting schedule should be thoughtfully considered as it can also impact how divorce affects the children. Children’s needs are quite different as they grow older, so this will also change over time. Younger children need more consistent interaction with both parents, so alternating daily or every couple of days might be best for infants and toddlers. Older children might be more comfortable with longer stretches with each parent, such as a 2-2-5 schedule, with perhaps a visit with the other parent during the longer stretch. Teenagers, whose bond might be stronger and who often have busy schedules, can benefit from alternating weeks with midweek dinners. No matter what schedule is chosen, frequent communication between the children and each parent will be needed to continue showing the children support and love.

Consider the Logistics and How These Affect Children

The location of the children’s homes and the environment in each home can also affect children. If the parents live too far away from each other, the time spent just traveling from one home to the other can affect the activities the children are involved in and even their relationships with their peers. Additionally, if the environments in the homes are very different, with one having order, comfort and peace and the other one being disorganized and chaotic, the children can feel confused and frustrated as they change homes. Co-parents might consider living within relatively close distances and having some continuity between one home and the other, such as in rules and routines.

When your children are your first concern during the divorce process and beyond, finding a lawyer who understands your needs is important. The Law Office of Joanne Kleiner can provide you with the guidance and support you need during this time. Call us at 215-886-1266 to schedule a consultation at our Jenkintown offices.