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Divorce and Family Law Office of Joanne Kleiner

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Mar 10, 2014

What to say when your adopted child wants to meet his biological parents

First, please note that it’s only natural for a child to be curious about his or her biological parents. Some adoptive parents discourage their children from seeking out their biological parent(s). They bribe them, scare them, guilt them and even threaten them. Such tactics inevitably backfire – what that means is that they actually harm this child you cherish and love so much. Also, don’t think they can’t handle it. Children are incredibly resilient beings. If you can handle it, and show them that everything is okay, they will manage through, as well.

For example, one adult adoptee notes that when she suffered these tactics: “ …they succeeded in reinforcing my resolve and excluding themselves from the reunion WHEN it happened.”

Don’t think that the desire to meet the birth parents is going to go away. You might be fearful that your adopted child will want to return to live with the birth parent if they get to meet. You probably have many other fears relating to a proposed meeting. Get yourself some help. Talk with other adoptive parents about what happened when their adopted children met the birth parents. Get to know the reality of the situation through other people’s experience, so you won’t be making decisions out of extreme and irrational fears.

It can be extremely helpful for you as the parent, to join and adoption support group so you can share your feelings in a safe and supportive atmosphere, and vent your fears. Because only when you can address this issue with your adopted child without all the emotion, will you be able to be resolve the situation effectively.

Often, the adoptive mom’s fears are clearly laid to rest when the adoptive son or daughter meets the birth parent. It can work out. In one interesting case, where the birth mother had the baby in secret (in the late 70s), and it was a closed adoption, she yearned for years to know what happened to her son. The boy had all his growing up years been curious about who is birth mom was. At the age of 18, he sought out the social worker who had handled the adoption. The social worker arranged a meeting. What happened is that the son, now 18, was able to begin to have a relationship also with his birth mother and father.

It seems, overall, that when parents are not supportive of their children meeting their birth parents, it backfires. Work through your fears. No one can ever take your child away from you.

You will especially need to work through various issues if the birth parent is a drug addict, sick, or in some way not fit to be a parent. Children often have fantasies of their birth parents – mostly far off from the truth. As well, manage expectations that a child may have relating to the birth parent.

Consider connecting with attachment therapists, who are extremely knowledgeable on the subject of adoption and children. As well, reach out to the handinhandparenting.org website, which has oodles of information for parents of adopted children – all free.

Concerned About Protecting Your Adopted Child From Seeking Out a Birth Parent? Skilled Jenkintown Child Support and Family Law Attorney

Discuss your concerns relating to adoption, birth parents, child custody, divorce and other family law matters with a knowledgeable, experienced family law attorney. To schedule a completely confidential consultation with a knowledgeable and caring family law attorney at Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, in Jenkintown, PA, please call 215-886-1266 or you can fill out our intake form and we will contact you.

Keeping you focused on the big picture and the issues that matter most….Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates. We serve clients throughout Montgomery, Bucks, Philadelphia counties, and the surrounding areas in matters involving Social Services, Child Protection, child custody, support, divorce, and other family law matters.

Feb 28, 2014

Someone Called Social Services on Me

Cooperating with Child Protection Services can be akin to cooperating with the police in a case against you. Don’t do it. That said, if Social Services comes knocking at your door, be calm, polite, respectful, and don’t offer a single piece of additional information. Remember, they are there to ferret out neglect or abuse. Don’t even let them in the door, even if you have done nothing wrong.

Before they leave, make sure to find out what allegations are outstanding against you. Write the allegations down, or better yet, record them via audio or videotape. Sometimes, a visit such as this can be so upsetting that you may not remember exactly what was said.

Remember, you are not alone. Many, many people have gotten caught in the snare of Social Services net when they have done nothing wrong or have made an honest mistake. In trying to explain a misunderstanding, they have wound up having a child taken away from them on the basis of false allegations or a misinterpretation or misunderstanding.

Social Services workers are often acting from an anonymous tip. For example, a neighbor may hear loud crying and decide something is going on and call Social Services. In the case of an anonymous tip, the Social Services or Child Protect Worker has no actual information other than that tip — unless you provide them with information that can be used against you.

Please note that even if a CPS investigator knocks at your door, you do not even have to let the investigator in your house unless they show you a search warrant. You retain all your constitutional rights – exercise them. Having an attorney who is experienced in handling situations involving social services can provide you with the protection you need to keep your family together. It can also provide badly needed reassurance during a frightening time.

Need Protection Against Social Services? Skilled Jenkintown Child Custody and Family Law Attorney

Are you concerned about how to protect yourself and your right to parent your children through a Social Services investigation? Find out more about your rights and how to safeguard your family. To schedule a completely confidential consultation with a knowledgeable and caring family law attorney at Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, in Jenkintown, PA, please call 215-886-1266 or you can fill out our intake form and we will contact you.

Keeping you focused on the big picture and the issues that matter most. Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates. We serve clients throughout Montgomery, Bucks, Philadelphia counties, and the surrounding areas in matters involving Social Services, Child Protection, child custody, support, divorce, and other family law matters.

Feb 21, 2014

Should I Stay In Or Leave the Marital Home?

In the past, it was often the husband who left the marital home, handing it to his wife and kids. This is not the case anymore. There is no automatic who gets the home these days. One thing, though, is certain: if you leave the marital home, you may never get back into that house.

Don’t leave your home unless you have a clear understanding of the potential impact of such a move, both on your today and in your future. Discussing your situation with an attorney experienced in handling divorce can be quite prudent.

When people are strapped financially and the house is underwater, one or the other soon to be ex-spouse may not be able to afford to keep up with the mortgage alone and the house cannot be sold for a reasonable price. In a situation like this, the two divorcing parties may decide to try a nesting arrangement. This means that both people will still live in the house and continue to share mortgage and housing costs, because neither can afford to buy the other out or pay the mortgage on his or her own. However, if you seriously do not get along this can be an extremely difficult situation to put yourself in, especially if you want to truly start over and put the past behind you.

Out of House – Restraining Order Easier to Obtain

It will be harder for a spouse to obtain a restraining order that puts you out of the house if you are living in the house. However, if you have left the house, it can be a lot easier for your spouse to change the locks and then to slap a restraining order on you, preventing you from even approaching your home.

Issues Arising If You Leave the Home But Your Name’s on the Mortgage

If you do leave the marital home, and your home is underwater and your name is on the mortgage, you could be held accountable for the mortgage or any problems connected to a short sale gone wrong.

Situations like this have occurred: the couple is divorcing and the house is underwater. One party wants to have a short sale. The other party refuses. Let’s say Angie moves out but Darren continues to live there, without paying the mortgage. Angie, because her name is also on the mortgage, arranges a short sale, but when the sale is meant to go through, Darren refuses to leave.

Angie, then, is about to get sued. However, her ex, Darren, finally agrees to leave if she pays him several thousand dollars. Not fair, not right, but situations like these happen all the time.

Get Answers About Whether to Stay or Leave the Marital Home While Divorcing. Skilled Jenkintown Child Support and Family Law Attorney

If you going through a separation and divorce and uncertain whether to stay in your marital home or leave it, discussing your situation with an experienced divorce lawyer can help you understand your options and chart a path through divorce that will help you get started post divorce on sound footing.

Find out more about pros and cons relating to divorce and staying or leaving the marital home. To schedule a completely confidential consultation with a knowledgeable and caring family law attorney at Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, in Jenkintown, PA, please call 215-886-1266 or you can fill out our intake form and we will contact you.

Keeping you focused on the big picture and the issues that matter most… Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates. We serve clients throughout Montgomery, Bucks, Philadelphia counties, and the surrounding areas in matters involving Social Services, Child Protection, child custody, support, divorce, and other family law matters.

Feb 12, 2014

She Claims I’m the Father of Her Child

Being informed that you are the father of a child or are going to be a father can be an extremely upsetting experience if you aren’t expecting it. Before you sign on as the baby’s daddy, take a few deep breaths and know that there are straightforward ways to protect your rights and determine whether you are, or are not, the biological parent of the child in question.

Taking the Paternity Test

If someone you know is claiming that you are the father of her child, even if the child is unborn, take a paternity test to determine whether this is indeed the case. The mother or mother-to-be in question can go through the court to order you to take a paternity test, so it may behoove you to take one on your own and clear the matter up as soon as possible.

It’s important that when you do take the paternity test, you purchase the legally binding paternity test, rather than a simple “informational” test. The legal one will hold up in a court of law. The paternity test will determine clearly whether you are the biological father of the baby in question.

Please note that if you are not married to the woman in question yet have been paying child support, signed an acknowledgement of paternity at the birth of the child or at some point later on, you could potentially be held accountable and responsible as the child’s father – even if the paternity is not yours.

Paternity Questions? Skilled Jenkintown Child Support and Divorce Attorney

Just because someone is claiming you are the father of her child, does not mean it is so. Before you allow yourself to sign any papers or start paying any support, discuss your situation and learn your rights with an experienced paternity and family law attorney at Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, in Jenkintown, PA.

To schedule a confidential consultation with family law attorney Joanne Kleiner, please call 215-886-1266 or you can fill out our intake form and we will contact you.

Keeping you focused on the big picture and the issues that matter most…Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates. We serve clients throughout Montgomery, Bucks, Philadelphia counties, and the surrounding areas.

Jan 16, 2014

Parenting Tips During Divorce

Children don’t get a say in their parents’ divorce. And divorce is difficult on children. They will have grief and many other emotions relating to the earth essentially shaking beneath their feet. That said, there are ways to help them move through it and have a healthy divorce without causing your child additional hurt.

It goes without saying that most parents are hurting while they are going through a divorce, especially if you didn’t initiate the divorce or are having a difficult time coming to terms with your soon to be ex spouse. Know that you are going to be self-absorbed. Know that there is going to be chaos. Know that there is going to be uncertainty. And figure that into the equation of your parenting.

First and foremost, get the support and marshal the resources that you will need to take care of yourself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually during divorce. You can’t well take good care of others if you aren’t able to care for yourself.

Reassure Your Children That You Will Always Be There for Them

Help your children understand that things are changing, but that you and they will all be okay. Let them know that things might be hard or confusing right now, but reassure them that both parents (if that is the case) will always be there for them. Don’t try to pretend that everything’s going to be perfect. Because your children will know you for a liar and that strategy will only backfire.

Make room in yourself to listen to their fears and upsets. And try not to get upset by their upsets. They need you to listen to their concerns and fears. Half the battle with kids through divorce is just letting them have and express their feelings in the only ways they know how, which is often by difficult behavior.

Keep Kids Out of Your Problems

Keep the kids out of your problems. Do not burden them with all of your upsets relating to the divorce. They have no ability to understand what’s really going on and they will naturally want to protect you, but that’s impossible, because you are the parent. Get listened to from professionals, from friends who can actually support you, and from family members and clergy who will take the time to hear you out.

Don’t Argue With Your Spouse or Your Attorney Within the Kids Earshot

Try to avoid meeting the attorney or having upsetting phone calls relating to the divorce while they are around. They will have an even more difficult time if they hear you raging or going on about how hard it is or how upset you are.

Maintain Continuity and Structure as Much as Possible During Chaotic Transitions

Work hard to maintain a home structure that will work for you and the kids. Even if at this point your children are just starting to go back and forth between you and your spouse, and you haven’t yet come to any settlements, see if you can’t maintain some level of continuity in how you transition from your household to your spouse’s.

Do not ask your child to tell his or her father or mother anything.

Explain to them what’s happening, but don’t go into great detail. Tell them briefly your feelings, such as: “It’s sad, but we’re working it out.” Or, “We’re upset right now, but we’re going to be okay.” Or: “It’s confusing right now, but we’ll get it all sorted out.” They don’t need the detail and will likely have a hard time comprehending it, in any case.

When Kids Act Out

More likely, in most cases, they will show you how they feel by their behavior. This may mean you’ll see more acting out, reversion to earlier behaviors when they were younger, more anger, or more distance toward you or the other parent.

If you are seeing these types of behavior in your child, the most appropriate thing for you to do is realize that your child is scared and upset, and needs you to come even closer in connection. The child needs to release his or her upsets and fears, and you or the other parent are the ones that he or she feels safest with. Tell yourself that this is only a phase and it will pass.

Visit the HandinHandparenting.org website, a nonprofit forum and support group that is free for parents that can help you address how to resolve your own hurts and parent as effectively as possible through divorce.

Get the help you need to grieve the end of your family and your dreams. And remember, after every ending, is a new beginning – if you let it happen. Your kids are watching you and absorbing how you grow through this process. Care for yourself, and allow this to be a move that will bring good things into your new life for all.

Concerned About Protecting Your Children Through Your Divorce? Skilled Jenkintown Child Support and Family Law Attorney

Discuss your concerns relating to child custody, divorce and other family law matters with a knowledgeable, experienced family law attorney. To schedule a completely confidential consultation with a knowledgeable and caring family law attorney at Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, in Jenkintown, PA, please call 215-886-1266 or you can fill out our intake form and we will contact you.

Keeping you focused on the big picture and the issues that matter most…Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates. We serve clients throughout Montgomery, Bucks, Philadelphia counties, and the surrounding areas in matters involving Social Services, Child Protection, child custody, support, divorce, and other family law matters.