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Divorce and Family Law Office of Joanne Kleiner

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Sep 26, 2013

Being Mean Costs Money

When a marriage of longstanding breaks down, some people just want to get out – right now. They are not interested in living even one minute longer with their spouse. Based on this sort of emotional state, Janet (name has been changed), after discovering her husband had betrayed her, left the house and marital assets in care of her husband. She said she didn’t care about anything but getting out. After papers had been signed and she had time and support to think rationally about the betrayal, she realized too late she had given up much of her marital property, without a fight.

Acting Out of Anger and Being Mean

She acted out of hurt. And it cost her. It also costs when you act out of anger. You probably have really good reasons to be angry. Except that acting that anger out in the divorce process is going to cost you. And it will make it harder to put the marriage and all that it represented behind you.

When you start feeling like you need to take action to do something right now to fight your spouse, or to fight for your rights, or to counter-act something that he or she said, realize you are acting out of emotion, and probably desperation.

Rather than taking action right then, do something completely different. If you have the opportunity to do something that you love right then and there, do it. Give yourself something to feed your spirit in the moments of anger and need to be mean.

Take Good Care of Yourself When You Find Yourself Wanting to Lash Out

During the divorce process, consider taking extra good care of yourself. What does that look like for you? Does it mean extra hours at the gym? Hiring that personal trainer? Getting a massage? Going to a spa? Tucking into a good book? Seeing funny movies? Finding a counselor who you can trust you’re your feelings? Seeking out friends who will understand? Planning a vacation with the kids? Develop some goals for taking care of yourself, so you can shift gears quickly when you really want to “get” your spouse.

You might consider meditation, yoga, tai chi, or other practices that can help calm the mind.

When you feel like you want to call your spouse and zap her or when you want to call your lawyer and complain about your spouse, or you find yourself unable to control your upset when you see the partner, it’s time to seek extra resources such as a support group, a spiritual leader who will listen to you, and/or a therapist who can help you navigate through this difficult and painful transition.

The cost of a counselor will be far less costly – and more beneficial – than the cost of venting your anger with your attorney. As well, as you resolve more of your conflicted and upset emotions around the loss of your marriage and dream, you will be able to think clearer about how to chart a solid path into the next phase of your life.

Being mean doesn’t only cost you money as attorneys play surrogate in your battle against one another. Being mean and playing dirty, especially when it comes to a child custody conflict, can mean that you will be in and out of court for years to come regarding petty slights and infringements of the custody agreement. Your spouse drove you crazy one way or another while you were married. Don’t let him or her drive you crazy after the divorce. That defeats the whole point of your divorce, to let go and move on.

While most of us are not yet in this financial league, it’s interesting to note that Madonna’s divorce to Guy Ritchie in 2008 reportedly had her paying him a $75 million settlement. Mel Gibson allegedly paid out $425 million to Robyn Moore Gibson in 2011. However, Rupert Murdoch’s $1.7 billion settlement is probably one of the highest settlements in history – so far.

Most of us don’t have that kind of money with which to settle our differences and put the past behind us. One thing is certain, being mean does cost money. When you make decisions out of anger, the compulsion for revenge, or upset, that decision may come back to bite you where it hurts. Additionally, you might regret some of the things you have said in anger, but you will never be able to take them back.

Remind yourself that you have more to lose by being mean than you do by taking care of yourself and taking action to resolve the situation. It’s also important to recognize that your life will get batter. Things will get better. Right now it may feel terrible, and like you will never get over it. But you will figure it out, and you will get over it, and letting go of the mean will help you do so more quickly.

Having a knowledgeable attorney who will keep you on track is also a really useful strategy.

Divorce Questions? Skilled Jenkintown Child Support and Family Law Attorney

Discuss your concerns relating to divorce and other family law matters with a knowledgeable, experienced family law attorney. To schedule a completely confidential consultation with a knowledgeable and caring family law attorney at Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, in Jenkintown, PA, please call 215-886-1266 or you can fill out our intake form and we will contact you.

Keeping you focused on the big picture and the issues that matter most…
Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates. We serve clients throughout Montgomery, Bucks, Philadelphia counties, and the surrounding areas in matters involving Social Services, Child Protection, child custody, support, divorce, and other family law matters.

Sep 11, 2013

Can Child Support Cover College Education?

The issue of who pays for college becomes all the more important in light of the staggering student loan debt and increasingly high cost of a college education.

Is it possible to get child support to cover college education in Pennsylvania? In some states, yes indeed, child support obligations can be extended through the age of 22 to include the cost of a college education. Sadly, in Pennsylvania, there is no statute that mandates college child support.

In Pennsylvania, the law mandates that any child support a parent receives for the child in question ends when the minor turns 18 years of age or is otherwise emancipated from his or her custodial parent.

That said, at the time of a divorce, parents might negotiate an agreement relating to sharing costs of the child’s college experience and other related expenses. The agreement then becomes part of the divorce agreement. In cases such as these, the written agreement would be enforceable.

This means that the parent paying child support would have to honor his or her agreement to pay support related to the “college tuition” agreement in the divorce settlement.

What If We Agreed Verbally to Share College Costs But I Have No Written Agreement?

Interestingly, in a recent case a mom tried to hold her ex-husband accountable for an oral agreement they made during the marriage about sharing their children’s college expenses. However, in this case, the court did not extend enforcement of agreements to oral agreements made during the marriage.

This means that even though the couple when they were married had spoken extensively about sharing college tuition costs for their children when the time came, that didn’t count. The court held that the couple made these agreements while they were married and assumed that they would be living together sharing expenses during the time of their children’s college educations, but this did not happen, so they should not be held accountable to the agreement as the circumstances surrounding the oral agreements had drastically changed.

If you are divorcing and want to protect your child’s potential to receive support for his or her college education, the time to do it is during the divorce. Issues to work out include:

  • College location
  • Anticipation of college costs in the future when your child attends
  • Potential colleges
  • Kinds of expenses that would be share, such as tuition, room, board, activities, travel, spending money, car expenses

Just writing in a divorce agreement that you and the other parent will share college expenses isn’t enough. Agreements such as these should also take into account issues like if there will be an academic standard that the child will be held to, release from the contract in the case of a disability of significant loss of income, and the like.

Seeking to Negotiate a College Tuition Payment Agreement in Your Divorce Settlement? Skilled Jenkintown Child Support and Family Law Attorney

If you are considering divorce or going through a divorce and concerned about how to pay for your children’s college education, discuss your potential options with an experienced divorce and child support attorney. Find out more about how to maximize potential for support for college expenses for your child when the time comes. To schedule a completely confidential consultation with a knowledgeable and caring family law attorney at Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, in Jenkintown, PA, please call 215-886-1266 or you can fill out our intake form and we will contact you.

Keeping you focused on the big picture and the issues that matter most…
Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates. We serve clients throughout Montgomery, Bucks, Philadelphia counties, and the surrounding areas in matters involving Social Services, Child Protection, child custody, support, divorce, and other family law matters.

Aug 12, 2013

When the house mortgage is underwater and you’re divorcing

One of the major marital assets is the home. Typically, when a couple goes through a divorce and they own equity in a home with a mortgage, one of two scenarios occurs. The first scenario is that one person is awarded the home in exchange for other financial stipulations or considerations in the divorce agreement. If so, the mortgage is usually refinanced into that person’s name individually. On the other hand, the house is sold, and the proceeds from the sale are divided among the couple. Unfortunately these scenarios become a little more complicated when the mortgage is underwater. In that event, the home is a liability rather than an asset, and the couple is faced with how to deal with overcoming the debt. There are several options available in this situation, including, but not limited to, refinancing (with programs designed to help underwater homeowners, such as Home Affordable Refinance Program – HARP), short sale, foreclosure, or deed in lieu of foreclosure. As a final option, you could also stay together in the home, despite the divorce, until the mortgage payments are under control. If you are going through a divorce and are currently struggling with an underwater mortgage, be sure to speak with an experienced attorney to determine which option is the best for your individual situation. Ultimately, underwater mortgages only cause the divorce process to become more difficult.

For additional information about Pennsylvania family law or the divorce process, or to discuss your particular situation and learn about your options, please schedule a confidential consultation with attorney Joanne Kleiner by calling us at 215-886-1266. Or, fill out our intake form and we will contact you. The decisions you make today really will affect your future. Let us help you make those decisions intelligent and informed.

Aug 05, 2013

Do I need a restraining order / order for protection?

Restraining orders are very powerful tools and can provide you and your family with various forms of protection. A restraining order, a form of equitable relief, is a court order and can be granted to protect someone from being physically abused, threatened, stalked or harassed. Furthermore, a civil restraining order can also grant someone custody of their children, order visitation and child support, provide court orders, and even require the other party to refrain from or to do something. You should seek a restraining order if someone you are related to or are in a close relationship with has abused you or your child.

It is important to differentiate the two types of courts that handle restraining orders and domestic violence. First, civil court handles actions brought by the victim, who can either be an individual or business, and does not aim to punish the other party, but rather to control and prevent the actions of the other party. A violation of civil law is not punishable by imprisonment; however, a violation of a civil court order, such as a restraining order, is considered contempt of court, which in turn is a criminal act and may be punishable by fines and/or imprisonment. There are two types of restraining orders that may be sought in civil court: (1) Domestic Violence Restraining Orders (DVRO) and (2) Civil Harassment Orders (CHO). The difference between the two turns on the degree of relationship between the victim and the perpetrator. In order obtain a DVRO, there must be a familial or other close relationship between the two parties. However, there is no specific relationship required to obtain a CHO.

Second, criminal court handles only actions brought by the state, rather than the victim, against an individual for violating one or more state criminal laws. Orders issued in criminal court are primarily intended to punish an individual, the perpetrator, for violating state laws. There are two types of orders: (1) Criminal Protective Orders and (2) Emergency Protective Orders.

For additional information about Pennsylvania family law or the divorce process, or to discuss your particular situation and learn about your options, please schedule a confidential consultation with attorney Joanne Kleiner by calling us at 215-886-1266. Or, fill out our intake form and we will contact you. The decisions you make today really will affect your future. Let us help you make those decisions intelligent and informed.

Jul 26, 2013

How intrusive can the divorce court judge be?

Father of 9 ordered to stop having children, divorce judge puts deadbeat dad on a budget until he pays off child support arrearages

An unprecedented ruling out of Wisconsin has many questioning just how intrusive can a divorce court judge be. A Wisconsin father of nine who’s behind on child support payments has been ordered by a judge not to have any more children until he can show that he can provide for them. Racine County prosecutors say 44-year-old Corey Curtis, who fathered the children with six women, owes nearly $100,000 in back child support and interest. Judge Tim Boyle sentenced Curtis to three years of probation for failing to pay child support with the condition that he is not to procreate until he can show he can support his children. Read more: Full article.

Are you considering divorce? Talk to an experienced family law attorney who knows how to protect your rights and help you understand consequences of your decisions. Contact the Southwestern Philadelphia law firm of Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates or call (215) 886-1266 to schedule a consultation with an experienced family law attorney.