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Divorce and Family Law Office of Joanne Kleiner

Amicable Divorce Attorney

Child Parenting Time

Feb 06

How to Use a Mediator to Create a Co-parenting Plan

Tips for Using a Mediator to Create a Co-parenting Plan

About 90% of child custody cases are resolved without a battle in court. However, keep in mind that a judge still needs to approve the settlement agreement.

Should You Use a Mediator?

In most situations, it’s a good idea for divorcing spouses to use a mediator. The exception is if your spouse is abusive. Informing the court of the abuse is important to help protect yourself and your child. If you want to try mediation, you do have the option of being in separate rooms during it to help you feel safe and more at ease with expressing yourself.

As long as both you and your spouse are willing to participate in the mediation process, it’s less expensive than battling it out in court. When a mediation fails, you will have to go to court. Thus, it’s best if your spouse is willing to do their part in a peaceful mediation. You can look over these tips together to make sure that both of you negotiate in a respectful and fair manner.

Set aside any hard feelings for the sake of saving money and walking away from the divorce in the best situation possible. When couples get too caught up in revenge during the divorce process, they often find themselves in a worse financial situation after the divorce.

Avoid Saying “Never” or “Always”

Ultimatums automatically put the other person on the defensive, so you should avoid using them in communication. Rather than saying “you never do this” or “you always do this,” phrase it as “I feel upset when you do this.” It’s also better to avoid starting sentences with “you” because it tends to make the other feel defensive, which is why the example begins with “I” instead of “you.”

Compromise Comes with Mediation

Go into mediation understanding there will be give and take. Before the mediation, write down what’s most important to you and what you’re willing to compromise. This will help you keep clarity during the discussion of what truly matters to you. If you butt heads on an issue that’s important to you, listen to the mediator’s suggestions on finding a compromise that both of you can be happy with. This dispute resolution tool is only effective when both participants are willing participants and want to find a win–win deal.

Be Willing to Discuss Finances and Future Relationships

When it comes to negotiating a co-parenting plan, be aware that finances and future relationships may be discussed. You and your spouse want to make sure that your child is in a safe environment if they will be traveling between your residences. If you were to refuse to discuss these issues because of privacy, it will interfere with a successful mediation. Remember that court is an even less private place where people from the public will hear the details of your case.

Keep the Discussion Focused on Co-parenting

Don’t make comments regarding other aspects of the divorce. Stay focused on resolving your co-parenting issues only. You can schedule another mediation if you still have other aspects of your divorce to negotiate.

Ask for a Short Break If You Need One

It’s important that you don’t allow your emotions to get the best of you. It’s okay to politely ask for a short break when you feel your emotions becoming too much for you. Focus on taking slow, deep breaths and think about things that make you happy to help yourself calm down. Remind yourself of the benefits of staying calm, and imagine a positive outcome, then return to the discussion renewed. Be understanding and compassionate if your spouse needs a short break too. Don’t take it personally.

Consult with a Divorce Lawyer Before the Mediation

The settlement agreement that you sign after a mediation is legally binding. It’s a good idea to consult with a divorce lawyer before your mediation because they can advise you on when it’s best to give and take based on what’s important to you. They can also give you an overview of what to expect during mediation. You could even choose a divorce lawyer as your mediator if you and your spouse want to, but both of you should still consult separately with your own attorneys. You don’t want to feel unhappy after the agreement is signed. Consulting with a lawyer helps give you more reassurance that you’ll be satisfied.

Using a mediator to create a co-parenting plan is a great way to come up with an agreement that works with both of your schedules and preferences. Mediators are experienced with the different types of custody schedules that parents can use. They are also skilled at facilitating discussions and calming down a situation that’s about to get out of control. Contact the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner in Montgomery County at 215-886-1266 if you’re interested in learning more about the process.

Nov 22

How to Handle Co-Parenting and the Risk of COVID-19 Infection

Sharing Custody During a Pandemic: Navigating COVID-19 Risks

According to the National Library of Medicine, only 60 percent of children lived with their married biological parents in 2009 compared to 84 percent in 1970. This leaves about 40 percent of children potentially traveling between two households. As COVID-19 infection rates soar across the United States, this puts children and both sets of custodial parents at an increased risk of becoming infected or passing it on to other members of either household.

Sheltering in Place Contradicts Shared Custody Arrangements

The amount of COVID-19 cases is increasing in most states as of October 2020. Public health experts and local officials continue to recommend that people shelter in place in their homes and avoid close interactions with anyone from outside their household. Unfortunately, these recommendations are likely to contradict what’s spelled out in your custody arrangement. Your situation may become even more tenuous if you discover that your ex-partner’s household poses a serious COVID-19 risk.

Understand the Common COVID-19 Risks

It’s important to recognize what is and isn’t a COVID-19 risk. For example, if your ex-partner is a surgeon who operates on patients every day, or his or her current partner is an EMS worker who transports ill and injured people for 12 hours per day, several days per week, these are risks for COVID-19. Even if your ex-partner takes precautions, he or she does have a higher-than-average risk for contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to the rest of the household, and possibly yours. In this case, your ex-spouse may say that he or she isn’t doing anything wrong, but you could petition for temporary full custody until a vaccine is available. You could also ask that your ex-partner self-quarantine for two weeks or get a negative COVID-19 test result before spending time around your child.

Take Action If You Learn About Risky Behaviors

You may also find out that your ex-partner isn’t taking the recommended public health precautions seriously. Perhaps your child told you that the other parent had a huge party with no social distancing. Maybe your ex-partner never wears a mask. These are high-risk behaviors that put your child at a much higher risk of getting COVID-19 and bringing it home to you after spending time with the other parent. If this is your situation, it’s important to speak with our divorce lawyer. You may have legal means of keeping your child out of harm’s way if you can prove that your ex-partner is endangering your child due to a disregard for public health measures.

Be Flexible During an Urgent Situation

During these times, you’ll need to be flexible. Perhaps your ex-spouse was exposed to someone with COVID-19 or develops symptoms and seeks a test. While waiting on the test result, they should self-isolate. If you find out your ex-partner is self-isolating due to COVID-19, it’s your right to seek a temporary halt to visitation.

What You Can Do After the Fact

If you’ve been sharing custody since the COVID-19 crisis was declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization, you’re likely already stressed and fatigued. Now isn’t the time to let your guard down. COVID-19 will take advantage of any lapse in preventive measures. If your child comes back to your home after a weekend with the other parent, and you find out that the other parent is sick, you may be able to take action and protect your child under Pennsylvania law. The situation can be complicated because of HIPAA, but if you believe your child was exposed to COVID-19 by your ex-partner, it’s your right to have your child tested.

You need to make important decisions about the health and well-being of your child and family. The Law Office of Joanne Kleiner offers legal counsel to help you navigate these challenging times. To schedule a consultation with our divorce lawyer in Jenkintown, call (215) 886-1266, or complete our online contact form.

Oct 24

Distance Learning and Co-Parenting During COVID-19

How Remote Learning Can Impact Co-Parenting

Over 7.8 million people in the United States have contracted COVID-19 as of mid-October 2020, grinding much of normal life to a halt. Though children have largely resumed school remotely, this change has presented many challenges to co-parents. Discussing these challenges is a must for those who want to successfully navigate the crisis.

Basic Disruptions

Some of the most common distance learning disruptions for co-parents are among the most obvious. These are the issues that are going to wreak havoc with the careful balancing that is necessary for co-parenting, and they will generally have to be solved through the efforts of each parent. Such disruptions include the children no longer taking the bus to and from a parent’s home, children not being able to see the usual babysitters because of social distancing requirements, or even difficulties that come from having to use technology that is unfamiliar to one or both of the parents.

The truth is that education is rarely an easy topic for co-parents, even when they are on the same page, so there will have to be changes made to daily life that won’t necessarily impact the existing parenting plan. It may be necessary for one or both parents to reach out to one another (or a divorce lawyer) to discuss new solutions or make adjustments that could have a minor impact on the plans that have already been put in place during prior discussions.

Responsibilities and Rights

More pressing are those disruptions that are going to impact the responsibilities and rights of the parents as put forth in a parenting agreement. Distance learning is going to put a significant amount of stress on all parties involved because it is going to require an entirely new type of parental decision-making to succeed. Parents will be forced to make educational decisions every day that simply might not be covered in the plans that were put in place when custody was first decided.

One of the biggest decisions that will have to be made will occur when, and if, school districts open. If parents are given a choice to send their kids back or keep them at home, it’s not always necessarily clear how individuals who share joint physical and legal custody will make that decision. Parents won’t be able to split the decision in this case, and even if they could, doing so would be ineffective. The basic right to decide where your child goes to school may well be disrupted by this pandemic.

Ability and Presence

Distance learning will also bring with it a major parenting change due to the amount of time the impacted children will be at home. If your child is a distance learner, he or she will need someplace to do schoolwork and study. Co-parents must now decide if they have living situations that are conducive to this kind of education and what’s going to happen if either parent goes back to working in person while the children are still going to school online.

A parent who typically has custody on the weekends, for example, may not necessarily be too impacted. Parents who tend to switch custody weekly or by the semester, on the other hand, are going to have to figure out whether their children can adequately learn as they switch back and forth. School does tend to give a certain sense of stability to children who move between homes, and the lack of stability is going to have an impact on the entire family. Without a clear plan in place, this can quickly become chaotic and disruptive to the lives of all who are involved.

Quarantine and Custody Challenges

Who gets custody during a quarantine? What happens if a child is forced to social distance because of an impacted family member and cannot travel to the other parent’s house? These are important questions that don’t have easy answers. Although people need to follow the laws surrounding public safety and use common sense, there’s no doubt that parents are going to see their custody dates disrupted anytime a child is forced to isolate for two weeks. Given that these aren’t just questions of custody but of safety, one must expect the discussions here to be quite serious. Unfortunately, there are unlikely to be any easy answers.

Distance learning is going to cause problems for most co-parents even if they are small ones. Anything relating to the COVID-19 pandemic will eventually lead to a reevaluation of plans, and custody arrangements are no exception. If you need help with custody arrangements or other family matters, make sure to contact the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner to consult a divorce lawyer in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania, either by phone at (215) 886-1266 or email via our contact page.

Feb 18

How Technology Can Help Co-Parents Communicate Better

Using Software Systems to Improve Co-Parenting

One of the keys to a successful co-parenting relationship is communication between the ex-spouses as just over 50 percent of parents are remarried or recoupled. If conversations are respectful and professional, strife will be lessened, and there will be more harmony for the children. There is some help available for high-conflict situations in which the parents have difficulty communicating without fighting.

Third-Party Apps Can Help With Your Tone

There are third-party systems that can host communications between the parents. These are usually ordered by the court when two parties have a history of acrimony and conflict. All communications are done through the third-party system, and the parents are generally not even allowed to text each other unless there is some kind of a pressing, time-sensitive issue that cannot be handled through the communication system.

Many of these systems have artificial intelligence features that scan messages before they are sent to examine the body of the message. The system has the ability to spot words with a negative tone and highlight them before the email is sent. This gives the writer time to stop and review the message to make sure that he or she really intended to send a message with those words. Oftentimes, the writer does not realize that there is a negative tone to his or her message and needs some extra help to spot areas that could lead to trouble. The writer then has the ability to choose different words that may not lead to conflict.

Judges Can Access the Messages

All communications through these systems are generally saved and cannot be deleted. This means that in the event that there is a matter that goes to court, a family law judge has access to all of the messages and can easily read the relevant communications. This knowledge should help the parties learn to be a little more restrained when dealing with each other since these systems are the equivalent of not being able to take back a combative email.

Reduce Your Stress Levels With Better Communication

Even if you do not like your ex-spouse, these systems can help your communication improve to the point where the co-parenting relationship may become more civil. Less conflict can help reduce your stress level because constant arguing reaches a point where it can wear you down over time. Therefore, these systems are generally a great idea for increasing the level of harmony. In a worst-case scenario, these software systems are an extra layer of protection for you in a litigious relationship.

Other Features to Improve Co-Parenting

Not only is there help with communication, but there are also calendars and other features to improve all aspects of the co-parenting relationship. Many of these software systems even have banking features that allow for money transfers and other accountability tools to make sure that each parent responds to the other. The aspects of the relationship that have been chaotic can be managed, bringing with it some relief to struggling co-parents.

How to Implement These Systems

Your family lawyer can help you figure out the best strategy for adding this type of communication to your custody agreement. In some cases, the judge will order this software on his or her own when he or she sees that there is a contentious relationship. Of course, you can always seek a modification to your custody agreement that states that all communications are to be through a third-party software application.

These Systems Can Help You Get on a Better Path

In many cases, this is the solution that enables divided families to engage in better communications. Many co-parents have reported that these communications systems helped improve their overall relationships and created more of a sense of normalcy for their children.

These software packages are not free, but they are money well-spent when there is an improvement in your relationship. Any conflict or litigation that is averted means less time battling it out in court, so these can be worth your while. Therefore, if your ex-spouse has requested one of these communications systems, be open to considering it.

The Law Office of Joanne Kleiner in Jenkintown, PA, stands ready to assist you in either strategically avoiding court or litigating if it is unavoidable. Call us today at (215) 886-1266 to set up a consultation with our family lawyer in Jenkintown.

Jun 05

The Impact of a Custody Battle

custody visitation

Many parents who contest a court’s custody ruling, or who engage in long and protracted proceedings to establish custody and visitation arrangement will tell you that they are doing it “for the benefit of the children.” There are certainly instances where one parent must do whatever is necessary to ensure a safe outcome for children—if there’s domestic violence, alcohol or drug abuse, for example. In most cases, though, their actions are ultimately counterproductive, draining precious resources that could be better spent on the children or on improving their lives.

Here are the most frequent consequences of an unnecessary custody battle:

  • One or both parties spend money they can’t afford to spend—It may be money that would be used to buy clothes and food, to live in a better house, or to fund a child’s college education. Attorney’s fees can be substantial, even if the skirmish is short-lived.
  • The tension and conflict between the parties increases—When you are on opposite sides of an argument, it’s hard to find ways to agree…which is often in the best interests of your children. Not only will it have an impact on your health—medical professionals have long known that stress and anxiety are bad for you—but your kids will be well aware of what’s going on and will feel in the middle (or even to blame).
  • Co-parenting becomes difficult or impossible—Even if the issues you need to resolve involve only your children, it will be hard not to inject some of your dispute or animosity with your ex into the process. In the aftermath of divorce, your children need stability and consistency—a custody battle makes those objectives difficult to attain.
  • Your children will suffer—If you and your ex are taking side, your children will feel compelled to as well. They love both of you, so they’ll struggle to make both of you happy—an unattainable goal.

Contact the Law Office of Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates

For an appointment, contact our office online or call us at 215-886-1266. Let us use our experience, skill, knowledge and resources to help you make informed and effective decisions.